Operation Basement Storm 2

An open letter to the City of New Westminster:

Dear City,

Hi! How are you? We're fine. Because now that we have met your plumbing inspector twice, we're, like, changed people.

Oh, it was so funny! I love your sense of humour - it's like you know just how to punk someone but good! On June 23 your Plumbing Inspector Jason made an on-site inspection of our project with regard to drain tile and its sustainability in our basement renovation. That was a big sentence!

He was all friendly and fun and he said to our contractor, "Yeah, totally, man - go ahead with the framing and concrete pouring! Pour that concrete! It'll be awesome!"

So our contractor, who's one of those naive and trusting dudes did it, and we paid him for it.

Here's the hilarious part: today Jason comes back, and he's all "No way dude! I changed my mind. This has all gotta come out!" So we're all laughing, ha ha ha. You can't just get concrete to 'come out' no matter how much it likes show tunes. It's pretty solid, you know?! Man, that guy's a card.

Then he's all, "I cannot authorize the work to continue unless my directions are followed," and we're laughing so hard we're crying. "Hahaha! Like our project is on hold now and we still have to pay for your fuck-up!" Pffft! Imagine!

Contractor's looking at me with the saddest eyes.

Dude.

No.

Well. Okay. But we've all make mistakes! It's okay as long as we take responsibility for them.

So we have forwarded the invoice for the work Jason instructed to be done, and are certain that the City of New Westminster will reimburse us for this.

WE CAN PLAY TOO, DOUCHEBAGS!

main-lining lentil soup.

Mealtime is a celebration, an occasion to come together as a family to nourish the body, mind and soul. It is also a time to teach children about nutrition and manners, how to have polite conversations. Any disagreements are handled within a framework of reason and dialogue.

And maybe a few tantrums for good measure.

The latter is the norm in our house. I dreamed of mealtime celebrations. Instead, I usually have indigestion. So now I'm sitting here at Wit's End waiting for help to arrive.

Parenting 911: What is the nature of your emergency?

ME: My kids refuse to eat anything that isn't cereal.

Parenting 911: Do they eat melted cheese?

ME: Yes. That too. Sorry.

Parenting 911: It's okay. Just calm down. What exactly did you put in front of them on the table?

ME: Uh...uh...hang on...it was...a...lentil soup.

Parenting 911: Homemade or store-bought?

ME: Homemade.

Parenting 911: Oh dear. That's more serious then. Because you've taken out the massive sodium content of a packaged soup, so they're less likely to eat it now.

ME: (sobbing) I know! I know! I just want them to be healthy! I didn't mean to cause so much trouble. Can I get an IV so that I can get these vitamins and minerals into them?

Parenting 911: It's okay Ma'am. We've never heard of anyone main-lining lentil soup. Have you tried bribing them with dessert?

ME: Yes.

Parenting 911: Alright that's not recommended either. You have probably made it worse.

ME: Oh my God! They're only little! What HAVE I DONE!?!

Parenting 911: I've got help on the way...stay on the line with me until they arrive, okay?

ME: Okay. It's just that... I didn't know what else to do!

Parenting 911: We're going to do everything we can, okay? Okay? Are you still with me? Ma'am?

ME: Hang on! I'm having a heated argument with my husband. There's a blame-storm going on over here now too!

Parenting 911: Oh, Jesus! Send out an APB, we've got an attempted food bribery in progress, and a blame-storm. Use Caution! I repeat USE CAUTION!


I WISH, there was a Parenting 911 and they'd actually come over and I could hand it over and say, "I'm outta here. Have fun!" But nay. Mealtime is a source of agony and I don't know how to handle it. So I blog.

The parenting books say, "Kids learn to listen to their bodies and it's important because a toddler who is in the habit of listening to her own body will resist unwanted sexual acts, self-destruction and drug abuse. Forcing a kid to eat when her body tells her she is full gives the message: "What you feel doesn't count. I know what you do and do not need" So she's more likely to cave into peer pressure later."

This made PERFECT sense to me. I shared it with Husband who dismissed it with, "She's not full. She just doesn't want to eat peas."

That also makes perfect (I hate to admit it) sense.

So then the experts say, "Give options with limits.". Okay, "Would you like to have your soup in your mouth or shoved up your nose?" Either way - this soup is getting in there.

I grew up in a household that insisted on a clean plate before you left the table. I hated it. The addition of a family dog who was equally sly was the greatest thing that happened to me. Until my parents caught on and the dog and I were both in trouble. He got over it WAY faster than I did and I'm sure he didn't pass on his food issues to his puppies. But he also ate his own barf.

Regardless, I made a vow to myself that I would never do that to my kids. But now, there's a part of me that says, "Why the hell not?" The conscientious part says, "Because it's torture and your children won't have positive associations with food..." Blah blah blah

What this boils down to is control. If I can't master this now, what will this lead to in the teen years?

Our house is a normal house, right? I mean apart from the vegan thing, which, let's face it - is pretty unusual. And my kids knew what life was like before Mummy went all Vegan Health Whacko. They remember the days of pork loin...and chocolate-chip cookies for dessert. Not so much anymore. I'm okay with them eating that kind of stuff somewhere else, (well, not really, but it's not a battle I choose not to fight). But since I'm the cook, I make what I gotta make. I mean, I hear ya, sistahs. But lump it.

I am flat out of ideas. I need your help! Help me Obi Wan! Or all my amazing readers! Chime in!

The Butterfly Effect

I've read about the chaos theory. This was developed in France by Henri Poincaré in 1890 when he was renovating his basement.

The butterfly effect is some kind of metaphor that encapsulates the concept of sensitive dependence on initial conditions in chaos theory; namely that small differences in the initial condition of a dynamical system may produce large variations in the long term behavior of the system. What this means is that once you take away someone's washer and dryer, they lose the will to live.

You'd think these two are completely unrelated but nay. I used to eat healthy food for breakfast. Today? School chalk and a cup of coffee. Because I have no washing machine. Bear with me...

Although this may appear to be unusual behavior, according to Wikipedia it makes perfect sense: for example, a ball placed at the crest of a hill might roll into any of several valleys depending on slight differences in initial position. But if one of those valleys is renovating its basement, it will likely go there and explode into a million peices causing the owners of the valley to stab themselves repeatedly with forks.

Where do butterflies come into it? The theory is that one butterfly could have a far-reaching ripple-effect on everything. Philip Merilees said, Does the flap of a butterfly’s wings in Brazil set off a tornado in Texas? And the resounding conclusion was, "Who the hell cares, where's my washing machine!?"

All my self-soothing platitudes like, "It's only downstairs, it won't affect us at all" are utter bullshit of course. I just didn't realize it would cause me to lose all interest in tidiness and organization. I don't care what I wear because I can't find anything clean under the mountain of clothes in my closet. And when that happens, I don't put things away, my kitchen becomes ruled by crumbs, and the dog is allowed on the furniture.

Attention Losers!

What the hell is wrong with these people?

It's just not that hard.

I promise.

They must be related to those people who find blankets too complicated.

Three Hits and a Miss

Since I'm obsessed with food this blog really ought to reflect that.

I made more recipes. Every week I make at least four new recipes. Which is roughly four times as many recipes as I used to make in any given year. So this is ridiculously successful for me.

Friday I discovered this blog and decided to try her very very wrong-sounding sandwich spread.

VERY WRONG BUT ACTUALLY OKAY SANDWICH SPREAD - proceed with caution

1/2 cup chickpeas (drained and rinsed)
1 generous tbsp natural peanut butter
1 tsp...okay maybe 2 of maple syrup

Mush it all up and spread it on toast.

Okay - yes, it IS chickpeas and peanut butter. That sounds as freaky-nasty as my kale smoothie. (Yes, I've made that too.)

I served it to the Little Girl who simply burst into tears. So I ate it. It's not bad. In fact, it's a pretty decent protein hit first thing in the morning when you need it most and when you feel like cooking least.

FREAKY-NASTY-LOOKING BUT GOOD SMOOTHIE

• 3-4 full leaves of chard, stalks removed
• 1 apple
• 1/2 cup frozen mangoes
• 3/4 cup water
• toss in a frozen banana for extra sweetness

I'll be honest: this looks appalling. It tastes better. And it's the easiest way to get yer greens.
Dreena Burton made this one up. She's a whole lotta awesome.

My other favourite chef is the inimitable Sarah Kramer, whose La Dolce Vegan is my God-send. So far, everything I have made in this book is amazing. Everything. And I've made about two dozen! I'll only share the one recipe, because it wouldn't be fair to her if I gave away all her secrets when they're actually for sale. So make this, enjoy and go buy her cookbook!


Today, I made the Quinoa Black Bean Salad. It rocked my world.

Cook the quinoa according to directions.

In a large bowl, combine:

• 1 can black beans, washed and rinsed
• 2 green onions, chpd
• 1 tomato, chpd
• 1 celery stalk, chpd
• 1/4 small green pepper, chpd
• 1 avocado, cubed
• 1/4 cup cilantro, finely chopped

In a small bowl, stir together:

• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 2 tbsp flax oil
• 2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
• 1/4 tsp chili powder
• 1/4 tsp sea salt
• 1/4 tsp ground black peppre

Once quinoa is done, remove from heat and stir in

• 1/4 cup corn niblets (because niblet is such a great word. Say it. Niblet. Tee hee)

Let it sit, covered for about 5-10 minutes. Add the quinoa and dressing to the salad and toss it. Refrigerate it for about an hour.

If you need to take something to a pot-luck, this is a good 'un. It's easy and if you're the only vegan, and it'll probably be the only thing you can eat.


And now...the miss:

I love dessert. Which is a problem when you're supposed to stay away from refined sugar and dairy. So...any way I find to enjoy the sweet things is a good thing!

I made "Chocolate Pudding" today. I won't credit it because it was crap. "Dairy-free chocolate pudding?" I asked suspiciously? "Well, let's try it! I'm sure it's fabulous!" I blended the tofu, frozen banana, vanilla and melted the chocolate. I chilled it in wine glasses in the fridge. I waited hours for this special treat. .... People, this is vile. Even the dog doesn't want it, and he eats pens.

Operation Basement Storm 1

Renovating is like riding a horse.

It's bigger than you and it can kill you.

First, we had to empty our basement Man, we have a lot of stuff. After five years of begging Husband to get rid of his refrigerator-size box of random wood pieces, he finally conceded that he did not, in fact need any of it. YES! I really want him to reach the same conclusion about the giant and COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY USELESS table saw. If we were 'handy' people, it would make sense. But since hanging a picture is at the very edge of my 'handy' skill set, it's a spectacular waste of space. Not that I have a strong opinion or anything.

We had to make a pact that we would not fight during this process. My dad went completely off the rails of appropriate and helpful advice when he solemnly declared, "People who renovate get divorced,". Thanks, Dad. Noted. So it freaked me out and Husband and I made a 'pact'. Tequila might have been involved.

But it was all kind of surreal. I knew there was a gaping hole downstairs and it looked like an earthquake had struck, but I mostly held back in utter denial that there was any chaos at all.

The first casualty of the reno, was the washer and dryer. I suddenly realized that the pile of laundry upstairs wasn't going to get done any time soon. That's was the exact moment when this shit got real.

Grateful as I am to have indoor plumbing, drainage is an issue. So, for the moment, we have a moat around our house, which with the amount of rain here, is filling up. There's a security measure I hadn't considered. Maybe we'll get cheaper home insurance if we have a freaking moat around our place. All I need is a drawbridge.

Alliteration for the Fun of It

Hey YOU! Yeah YOU! Over here! Check it out! It may not be bigger or better...and it might even be bothersome, but in the interest of alliteration...it's BACK!

There is much to say.

1. We started Operation Basement Storm
2. The Little Girl got Christened.
3. I booked a flight to England.
4. The trip got cancelled.
5. The trip got put back on again.
6. Confusion is my natural state.

I am so happy that this blog is back up and running.