Next Time: air travel

I've just had an AWESOME vacation to the place I wanted most to see in the world: Paris, France.

Sacre bleu, it was fantastic. I actually saw dudes on bicycles wearing suits and berets and carrying baguettes. I would not make that up. I make a lot of shit up, but that's not one of them.

There's much to chronicle, but for now, I keep chanting to myself: Make a List. All the things I wish I'd done differently. Please chime in. I, for one, am like Mr. T from the A Team who had to be tranquilized every time he went on a plane. I can totally relate to that, and I wouldn't refuse an offer of anesthetic on the rocks.

Stupidest Thing I Took To Europe:
-Ceramic hair straightener (just go with the flow)
-Jewelry (never wore)
-Too. Many. Clothes.
-Too. Many. Shoes.

Best Thing I Took To Europe:
-Gravol
-Military jacket
-Flat shoes
-Reversible dress
-Camera

Next time I'm on a plane, I hope to remember this:
-order a vegan meal in advance:
"Chicken or beef?""Chicken or beef?""Chicken or beef?""Chicken or beef?" Neither, thanks. Because I forgot to order a special meal in enough time, I had to make do. One kind attendant said, "Honey, aren't you hungry?" When I explained that I was vegetarian and forgot to order a meal, she said, "I'll see if I can find you something in the back". She brought me a cheese-drenched pasta dish. I was so hungry I was almost tempted to eat it. But I know what happens if I do that and since I was sitting in a window seat and would have to leap over two people and fight my way to the toilet IMMEDIATELY, I didn't risk it.

I have a friend who, for the past several years, has been working his way through all the special diets you can order from on planes. Just because. He's gone from Kosher to Fruitarian and says it doesn't matter what you order, as long as you order. It's always fresher and you always get served first. Done.

-buy a bottle of Gatorade. Or five.
Okay, you can't pack it because they'll confiscate it. Husband is convinced this serves two purposes: the theatre of safety and being able to charge you seventeen dollars for a bottle of water. What I had forgotten is just how much moisture gets sucked out of your body on a plane. If I were a grape, I'd be a raisin a few hours later. Gatorade tastes like vomit, but it does rehydrate you. Possibly even better than water in this case. And get a seat near the loo.

-earplugs
This makes a HUGE difference. I didn't use them on the flight over and it's pretty hard to sleep with a jet engine running. They help. A lot. Especially if there are people chatting up a storm nearby.


-Gas-X
Changes in cabin pressure can make you gassy. If you're on a weird schedule, have been eating strange food and your system is out of whack, plane-travel can make you a time bomb. Sorry to whomever has to sit near me. I'll take some Gas-X next time. The ginger tea did NUTHIN'....


-lip balm
Grape to raisin again. What is WITH that? I was putting it on every 30 minutes!

Other Tips:
Travel with someone calm. (I don't recommend myself at all.)