Mealtime is a celebration, an occasion to come together as a family to nourish the body, mind and soul. It is also a time to teach children about nutrition and manners, how to have polite conversations. Any disagreements are handled within a framework of reason and dialogue.
And maybe a few tantrums for good measure.
The latter is the norm in our house. I dreamed of mealtime celebrations. Instead, I usually have indigestion. So now I'm sitting here at Wit's End waiting for help to arrive.
Parenting 911: What is the nature of your emergency?
ME: My kids refuse to eat anything that isn't cereal.
Parenting 911: Do they eat melted cheese?
ME: Yes. That too. Sorry.
Parenting 911: It's okay. Just calm down. What exactly did you put in front of them on the table?
ME: Uh...uh...hang on...it was...a...lentil soup.
Parenting 911: Homemade or store-bought?
ME: Homemade.
Parenting 911: Oh dear. That's more serious then. Because you've taken out the massive sodium content of a packaged soup, so they're less likely to eat it now.
ME: (sobbing) I know! I know! I just want them to be healthy! I didn't mean to cause so much trouble. Can I get an IV so that I can get these vitamins and minerals into them?
Parenting 911: It's okay Ma'am. We've never heard of anyone main-lining lentil soup. Have you tried bribing them with dessert?
ME: Yes.
Parenting 911: Alright that's not recommended either. You have probably made it worse.
ME: Oh my God! They're only little! What HAVE I DONE!?!
Parenting 911: I've got help on the way...stay on the line with me until they arrive, okay?
ME: Okay. It's just that... I didn't know what else to do!
Parenting 911: We're going to do everything we can, okay? Okay? Are you still with me? Ma'am?
ME: Hang on! I'm having a heated argument with my husband. There's a blame-storm going on over here now too!
Parenting 911: Oh, Jesus! Send out an APB, we've got an attempted food bribery in progress, and a blame-storm. Use Caution! I repeat USE CAUTION!
I WISH, there was a Parenting 911 and they'd actually come over and I could hand it over and say, "I'm outta here. Have fun!" But nay. Mealtime is a source of agony and I don't know how to handle it. So I blog.
The parenting books say, "Kids learn to listen to their bodies and it's important because a toddler who is in the habit of listening to her own body will resist unwanted sexual acts, self-destruction and drug abuse. Forcing a kid to eat when her body tells her she is full gives the message: "What you feel doesn't count. I know what you do and do not need" So she's more likely to cave into peer pressure later."
This made PERFECT sense to me. I shared it with Husband who dismissed it with, "She's not full. She just doesn't want to eat peas."
That also makes perfect (I hate to admit it) sense.
So then the experts say, "Give options with limits.". Okay, "Would you like to have your soup in your mouth or shoved up your nose?" Either way - this soup is getting in there.
I grew up in a household that insisted on a clean plate before you left the table. I hated it. The addition of a family dog who was equally sly was the greatest thing that happened to me. Until my parents caught on and the dog and I were both in trouble. He got over it WAY faster than I did and I'm sure he didn't pass on his food issues to his puppies. But he also ate his own barf.
Regardless, I made a vow to myself that I would never do that to my kids. But now, there's a part of me that says, "Why the hell not?" The conscientious part says, "Because it's torture and your children won't have positive associations with food..." Blah blah blah
What this boils down to is control. If I can't master this now, what will this lead to in the teen years?
Our house is a normal house, right? I mean apart from the vegan thing, which, let's face it - is pretty unusual. And my kids knew what life was like before Mummy went all Vegan Health Whacko. They remember the days of pork loin...and chocolate-chip cookies for dessert. Not so much anymore. I'm okay with them eating that kind of stuff somewhere else, (well, not really, but it's not a battle I choose not to fight). But since I'm the cook, I make what I gotta make. I mean, I hear ya, sistahs. But lump it.
I am flat out of ideas. I need your help! Help me Obi Wan! Or all my amazing readers! Chime in!
3 comments:
Dinner time's indigestion time at my house too - mostly because my daughter doesn't really eat much at supper (lunch is where she likes to fill up) and my wife insists on micromanaging her meal AND IT DRIVES ME NUTS.
So, let the kids eat as much (or as little) as they like. Make sure they get a serving of everything. Make it clear that what's on their plates is all their is, and then... Let. Them. Be.
Take a deep breath and let's say it again together - let. them. be.
The kids will not starve! If they are hungry, they will eat!
And yes, the first few times you say "sorry, that's what there is", the kids will be worse than ever, but if you stick with it (remember, that thing about consistency being the key?) then they'll learn that hey, mom and dad are serious, and what's on the plate is all there is and I may as well eat it.
THANK YOU ECM! I hope Husband reads this. In the immortal words of John Lennon...let it be.
Dad used to make me stay at the table until I had finished... and if I didn't, I didn't get any food and went to bed hungry. If I said I 'couldn't eat it cos it made me vomit", he paid me. He then said "see, you can eat it, you just choose not to"... got me every time :P
My parents didn't let us kids be fussy eaters, and I am not scarred because of it. I have a healthy appetite and now eat pretty much everything... just don't give in to them :-)
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