Living in a big city means daily encounters with street people. There are plenty of people who literally live on the sidewalk here - because, unlike the rest of this country, our climate allows them to not die of exposure in January.
A friend once told me that the poor are Buddha's watchers. No seriously. That they are sent to keep us aware of the needs of others. I'll sort of buy that. Because I get a real conscience twinge every time I walk past someone and pretend not to see him or hear him.
The conscience is saying, "You so totally do have spare change. You could actually give this guy $100 and your life would not change in the slightest."
But my Other Brain says, "Yeah, well shoes ain't cheap!" And "She works hard the money! So hard for it honey..."
and as I hum Tina Turner, I walk merrily on my way. I also make up stories about how said homeless person wound up homeless and decide this person probably did something really really terrible and his family didn't want him anymore because of it. Would you give money to someone who drowned a puppy? Me neither.
On the other hand....and there's always another hand ready to smack you for thinking like this...there's the whole "Buddha's watchers" thing. So I give food. If I've got it. Or immediate access to it.
Today, I'd just been to the market and had a bag of apples. The dude didn't ask for anything. He was just sitting there looking sad. I asked him, "Are you hungry?". Silence. I dug into my bag and produced a shiny red apple. I presented it to him like it was the Holy Grail. He took it and put it in his pocket without a nod or a thank you. And as I walked away, I thought, "Ungrateful Jackass,".
Conscience pipes again - as she ALWAYS does - and says, "Now what does this say about you? You expect some kind of written Thank You card because you spared an apple? Do you only give with strings attached? Can you not give selflessly?
Other Brain goes, "Of COURSE I can, Dipshit! I just ask for a little decency!"
Conscience: "You're asking for gratitude. That's not a gift. It's a negotiation."
Other Brain: "You're an Asshole, Conscience."
Conscience: "You know I'm right."
Other Brain: "Fuck off."
And this is me on an average day of running errands. Pretty soon someone will just give me an apple and tell me to shut it.
And that would be why I couldn't say "thank you".
3 comments:
ha ha... oh, to be in your mind :p
I often feel guilty when I don't give my change however my common sense tells me that giving the money directly to them does not necessarily help- often they are in the situation they are in because they mismanage their money (big generalisation here :P)... so it's better to use your money more practically and give cans of food to winter appeals,help out at soup kitchens, make christmas hampers, donate money to homeless shelters etc as these people can actually help these people get their lives on track...
As for the guy not saying thank you- he probably feels like he has been so screwed over in life he has no cheer left in him...so maybe if enough people give him apples, one day he will say thanks :-) And again, there is potential that he may simply be lacking in social skills....which we can't really punish him for further, he is obviously already being punished enough for it :(
I have known people who were homeless who are now back to 'normal' and the sad thing is that many are just people who have had a rough start to life and just need to be given a helping hand...
Anyway, brief summary of my comment- don't feel guilty, just be wise with the way you choose to help out and choose which way can be the most helpful. Sometimes what they really need is a friend :-)
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