Go see The Hangover

If for no other reason than the emergency room doctor.

Do you know where we can find the chapel?

Yeah, it's at the corner of Get A Map and Fuck Off.

I laughed till I cried. It was a beautiful thing. And I'm not even going to wonder why I need a ballsy drunk-boy gag fest to do that to me.

It just did.

Do yourself a favour and go see this insane movie. (Maybe close your eyes for some of the end credit shots!)

Done. Over 'n Out. Gettin' Better

So the gynecologist goes up to the cervix and says,

"Knock, knock! Womb service!"

Ahaahahahahahahahaha!

Clearly, the meds aren't strong enough.

Wise man. Smart ass.

I was recently complaining about something.

No! You? I don't believe it! Actually, yes. And to whom do I normally bitch? Husband. He's a very good listener, but utterly impatient with complaining about people. He's like that. So fucking good-natured. It's irritating because I can never EVER get a moral high ground going. He's so many points ahead of me I will never catch up, so I remain a curmudgeon.

As such, I was being my curmudgeony self and complaining about a member of my family. He looked at me with caring eyes, gently took my hands and said, "You must do what we all do with family: tolerate their bullshit and count your blessings,".

Wise man. Smart ass.

Womb Whacker Wednesday

How often do you get to say, "I'm so happy that someone is going to cauterize my uterus!" But for every woman who has ever looked wisftully at white pants, and grudgingly at her enormous stash of maxi pads - this is a blessed event.

No more monthly mailing of a Scarlet Letter! (Sorry, I had to stick that in somewhere...). I wonder if this also means Pre Menstrual Dementia will be a thing of the past? Hmm...I'll have to start looking for a new excuse.

I hereby promise, that if I am among the 50% of women who develop amenorrhoea (which sounds bad but is actually really good) then I will make tampon crafts. I promise. Brace yourself! Craftastophes are coming!

The Secret to Glowing Clear Skin

I've been hard at work, researching vital things for this site.

And on vacation.

I'm back and I'm ready to report my findings.

How I stumbled across this particular thing, I don't remember. But I think it had something to do with my credit card bill. The one area that really freaks me out is the cost of skin care for women. Anti-aging cellular complex with botanical anti-oxidents and elephant testicles. It's all pricey. But it doesn't have to be.

The Experiment

In fact, I decided to try a little experiment: for one month, I would not use my cleanser, toner, exfoliators (two different kinds), serums and moisturizers. (God. I really do own all those things. It's shameful. But my rationale was that if take care of my skin now, then I'll age gracefully. Perhaps. But I would also age expensively. And I'm thinking more and more that most modern products are actually bad for your skin.)

Back to the experiment: for one month, I would use only one thing on my face: a combination of sunflower oil and castor oil. Bam! That's it.

Even Husband noticed, and he is not what you might call 'observant' in that I could move the couch to right in front of the door and he'd walk in and say, "Something's different...but what?". Tonight, on day 30 of my experiment, I shoved my face in front of his, shone a bright light on it and insisted he inspect it and tell me if I looked worse, better or the same than a month ago.

Hooray! He said, "Definitely better,". My skin certainly feels better, and dare I say glows (there, I dared!) and I'm ready to pitch my plethora of products. They're harsh, expensive and - as it turns out - wholly unecessary.

The Low Down:

Most mainstream skin care products strip the oil out of our skin. Each time we strip the oil away, our skin over-compensates by creating more oil.

Oil dissolves oil. The oil used to massage your skin will dissolve the oil that has hardened with impurities and found itself stuck in your pores. The steam will open your pores, allowing the oil to be easily removed.

Fear not the oil. (It sounded gross to me at first, but so worth a try).

The How To

You need:
A little bit of Castor Oil. It has potent anti-inflammatory properties, and is healing and cleansing.
A little bit of Sunflower Oil: It sinks into the skin, and supposedly helps the castor oil get deep into the pores and draw the dirt and grime to the surface of your skin where it can be wiped away.

*exactly what I mean by "A little bit" can be further investigated here.

Before bed

• You'll need a soft washcloth, your oil blend, and hot, running water.
• Pour a generous puddle of oil into the palm of your hand. Rub your hands together to warm the oil and smooth over your face.
• Begin massaging the oil into your face. This will remove makeup, dirt, and other impurities, so there is no need to use a makeup remover or wash your face.
  
• Using slow, firm motions across the skin, massage the oil deeply into your pores. Take your time and focus on your problem areas. You want the oil to work into your pores so that blackheads and the like can be dissolved and steamed away.
• Take your time. Give the oil enough time to work on dissolving the impurities in your pores.
• Soak your washcloth in clean, steamy water. We want the water to be warm enough to open your pores and remove the oil.
  
• Hold the washcloth to cover your face. Allow it to stay until it cools. You will feel your pores releasing the impurities. Wipe the oil gently away and rinse the washcloth well in hot, running water. Hold the washcloth to your face again, allowing it to cool. Wipe gently, rinse well, and repeat two or three more times. Avoid any temptation to scrub. Impurities, dead skin cells, and bacteria will be gently swept away.

Voila!

Go forth and lubricate!

Drink up!

It's hot out here on the West Coast. Lovely and hot. As such, people are eating ice cream and drinking beer. Like, in front of me! On the other hand - I've been drinking whatever's on tap. Literally. And I stumbled across this water information which made me feel better and figured it might help you too.

How much water are we supposed to drink? 1/2 our body weight of water in ounces.

Every 6 oz. of caffeine or alcohol requires double that in water to re-hydrate you. (Caffeine and alcohol are diuretics - which always sounds like they make you pee, which they do, but according to this site it means they dry you up.)

Constipated? Drink some water.

Tired? Drink some water.

Irritable? Drink some water. Chill out.

Dry skin? Drink some water.

In debt? Drink some water. Then cut up your credit card.